Episode 27: Lammy Askar of AVDA- Aid to Victims of Domestic Violence West Palm

Lammy Askar

Ali Kessler: [: 00:00:00

Thank you so much for joining us today. I'm excited to talk with you, and I would love for you to tell our listeners a little bit about you and your journey of how you got to where you are today.

the show. Super excited. Not [: 00:01:00

I get it, but excited to be here to help, continue to raise awareness and continue to make sure people are aware of what services are out there. And yeah, signs to look for, right? Because super important, but absolutely. I've been working in the social work nonprofit field about 25 years now. When I was in college, I did an internship at a local sexual assault treatment center down in Dade County.

And then once I was finished with that, I worked my way up through route. I'm from Palm Beach County and I landed at Women in Distress of Broward County for a number of years.

Ali Kessler: Nice.

ther side of empowerment was [: 00:02:00

Ali Kessler: You definitely come with experience. Can you just tell everyone about AVDA? Sure.

Lammy Askar: So after the age of victims of domestic abuse is located in Delray Beach, Florida, we offer a wide variety of services from outreach services. And those are available for folks that are not necessarily seeking shelter, emergency shelter.

They might, depending on what their situation is, but they can come to and from our outreach center, though they can meet with advocates there. We help with. Safety planning, in some cases, relocation and talking more about healthy relationships. We also offer prevention services, which is really important, right?

g people, and it's important [: 00:03:00

And so our team is out there in Palm Beach County doing that. In addition, our core service along with those is our emergency shelter.

Ali Kessler: Okay. Who is that available for?

Lammy Askar: So that's available for anyone fleeing domestic violence and their families and their pets.

Ali Kessler: I was about to ask you, so we're a

Lammy Askar: pet friendly shelter.

Okay. We have about 64 beds. I can tell you they're always full. We always make accommodations for folks that are fleeing a situation. And here at our emergency shelter, we provide everything you know, from the food that you need to, the clothes that you need to wear because oftentimes you're fleeing with nothing to.

Helping with job [: 00:04:00

Ali Kessler: Yeah,

Lammy Askar: so I'm happy to know that there are places like AVDA our sister centers that accept animals 'cause that's really important to our families.

We've also been really transformative in the world of domestic violence with a text enabled hotline. Okay, great. So that's not really something a lot of places have, but we're really proud to have it. We know that if you're in a situation that's dangerous, picking up the phone and making a call may increase the lethality of that situation.

o if we have apartment style [: 00:05:00

You could be a survivor in the community and if there's space available. We absolutely make that something that folks can reach out to us about.

Ali Kessler: Nice. And how does that work? Is it just, do they just come from you and then, move in? Or how does that work? Oh,

Lammy Askar: that's a great question. So almost everyone that connects with us here at AVDA is through a hotline.

We are available through all types of different resources. So for folks that are familiar with 2 1 1 certainly our law enforcement will refer folks to AVDA, but most of our intakes and the folks that find us are through our hotline.

Okay,

so it, we typically will also communicate with our partners in Palm Beach County to let them know that we will have space available in our transitional housing.

Ali Kessler: Got it. And is it paid for through you guys or do they pay like a discounted rent?

untary, and that is from. In [: 00:06:00

And how long

Ali Kessler: can someone stay in the shelter or the transitional housing?

Lammy Askar: Anyone in our, if we use emergency shelter at minimum folks stay six weeks. Everyone is a case by case situation. So that might mean extended shelter. It might mean that they. We're able to secure a job midway through their stay.

You and I both know just because I have a job doesn't mean I can find housing that's affordable. So case by case basis, we will extend that shelter and transitional housing should we have availability. That's a two year program.

Ali Kessler: Got it. Okay. That's great. All great services and we can talk more about that, but I'm also just curious now you mentioned local police would mention you guys, do you work well?

Does the company work well with the police? Are they recognizing all domestic abuse.

that we've really grown our [: 00:07:00

Ali Kessler: Okay.

Lammy Askar: So we are constantly communicating with them about some of the service needs we have and the things that we need to see from our law enforcement. We also have a program, one of the few organizations, domestic violence centers, that has what's called. Coordinated Community response team led by a DB domestic violence coordinator that is here in our program at AVDA.

So this human is working with all areas of survivor focused care, including law enforcement, and the purpose of her role is to improve the criminal justice response to domestic violence.

Speaker 4: Okay. So

Lammy Askar: our relationship with PBSO and our local municipalities is growing much stronger. We are lucky to have a good relationship with law enforcement.

o be helpful, but sometimes, [: 00:08:00

And the state

Lammy Askar: definition the Florida statute definition of domestic violence doesn't talk about all the other stuff. What's great about. Our domestic violence centers here in the state of Florida is we recognize all forms of violence. And we are constantly educating our law enforcement that, it might not just be physical.

Domestic violence isn't just physical. So you guys do training think really important? Yes. That's great. Yes.

Ali Kessler: That's great. 'cause it's so important. Now what I guess just in your years, what is the most, I don't wanna say cases, but what do you see happening the most? What are the biggest concerns or issues that, I'm assuming it's a lot more women, is do you only deal with women?

iate accommodations for male [: 00:09:00

Yeah. It goes both

Ali Kessler: ways.

Lammy Askar: Totally. And gender, your question's really interesting because again, at the experience I have with, we call it short db. I've seen so many different scenarios. I would have to say that while physical violence is still a huge problem, we are seeing a rise in the technological abuse. The internet world is crazy.

Yes. So we're seeing the abuse coming through text messages. Yeah. All of our GPS location services,

Ali Kessler: social air

Lammy Askar: tags, everything. Abusers are using those tactics to gain and keep that power and control over the survivors. So us really working with the survivor and talking about these different types of abuses is important.

mber of groups or individual [: 00:10:00

right?

And that's because,

and they

Ali Kessler: don't leave.

Lammy Askar: They don't leave it. The manipulation comes along with that too, right? The physical, the bruises go away, the scars heal, right? And you'll hear that from survivors, but it's all the things that they've heard from their abuser that isn't impacting them and mentally, emotionally, psychologically. That sticks with them for years.

That is a huge struggle for survivors that we're really trying to hope to provide them the services they need to overcome that.

Ali Kessler: As well as fear. I know that, so many people are just scared of the unknown, especially financially or what the abuser might do if they leave and whatnot.

Lammy Askar: And

something we see in South Florida, and I don't always hear it a lot from my colleagues in other states, is certainly immigration status.

Interesting.

It is. It is certainly a [: 00:11:00

That is such a real, like a reality nowadays. Helping our survivors understand that's not okay behavior, but there is legal. Advocacy out there to help them.

Ali Kessler: Do you guys provide like law or legal aid?

Lammy Askar: We directly, no, but we will work with participants that are seeking victims compensation and relocation.

Okay. So that's a program that's offered by the state. We refer to it as voca do need a certified center to complete the application with you. And that's to help get some relocation assistance to move away from your abuser. So we, as a certified center, we do that. The checks don't come from us, checks come from the state.

we refer to them a lot. And [: 00:12:00

Ali Kessler: Now let's talk about confidentiality. I know a lot of times, I guess victims won't reach out because they're scared of maybe a trail. Someone will see it, someone will see their browser history or phone records and just be scared. How do you, how does AB to deal with that? Is there anything that's just completely confidential with no records of a name or anything like that?

Lammy Askar: So we do fall under the Florida statute for confidentiality and privilege.

Ali Kessler: Okay.

Lammy Askar: So we do keep some information about those that are receiving services for our program, simply to have information. But everything that we do track is very brief. Nothing is incriminating. There is really no history that you'll find on our, on anything that we keep.

for us. So we never wanna do [: 00:13:00

Ali Kessler: How do you communicate with these people if it's not in person? Is it through a portal or is it just email or phone?

Lammy Askar: Without, with our survivors it's, we can communicate over the phone, but face to face. And that's why we have our outreach services. People come to our office, we take walk-ins, you can make an appointment. And then certainly here in our shelter, they live here. So we are available 24 hours a day with support services.

Ali Kessler: Do you guys offer mental health services directly or like support groups?

Lammy Askar: So we have advocacy support groups and advocacy individual sessions. Okay. But for mental health counseling, we do partner with a, with licensed mental health counselors in the area, they do come on site and provide those services to our survivors, and then we can always refer out to other survi to, excuse me, to other community partners to provide services, mental health, social work, anything that they may need or.

ve great connection with our [: 00:14:00

Ali Kessler: That's fantastic because, just giving people the tools they need is really all you can do at this point.

Lammy Askar: Because that's hard, right? Take the domestic violence out of it. Just being a human in the world, asking for help is hard.

Yeah. Compounded with this issue of domestic violence or any other thing that's going on, it's hard to ask for help. It is, while we might just be able to give someone a resource, taking the next step for them to take the next step to seek out that resource is really, it can be challenging, right?

So we're constantly trying to reinforce with our survivors let's, you can make the decision of what you wanna do. There are people out here that care about you and they wanna be able to help you. So that's so important just to hear as a human, that someone cares about you. You can help them totally change their trajectory.

Ali Kessler: That's why I do this podcast, right? I would just get so many people reaching out to me asking for advice, and I was just like, I don't have the answers. I

right.

n do is talk to people. That [: 00:15:00

Exactly. That's why too, and you're doing great work

Lammy Askar: Ali, and however we could support you. We want to

Ali Kessler: Thank you. I definitely appreciate that. And I know my listeners do because I, we had women on distress on the podcast, but I'm, I definitely wanted to expand our counties and get people within the state of Florida at least. Some more information through different counties, north, south, of course, east West. So I guess, what systematic changes do you believe are essential to protect victims more effectively?

Lammy Askar: That's a great question. I think that as a community as a whole, we need to be able to recognize these different types of abuses.

ding the dynamic of domestic [: 00:16:00

And even with our. Judicial system even. And with our, some of our law enforcement, I can tell you when I very first started this work, so when you come into this realm, you have to go through a core competency training to learn all things domestic violence that you can gain that privilege to be able to work with survivors.

It's not just oh, I wanna work in a domestic violence shelter. It's a lot of work.

Yeah.

And before I knew much, one of the first questions I was asked the group was asked in that training was, what are the causes of domestic violence? And I proudly raised my hand bad

people.

I thought I knew.

I raised my hand and I said, but it's because people use drugs and they're alcoholics. That's why domestic violence happens. And the facilitator was like, Nope. So I think education's really important. Domestic violence doesn't happen because someone is on drugs or someone has a mental health issue.

tors. Domestic violence is a [: 00:17:00

Ali Kessler: personality and probably a mental health disorder.

Lammy Askar: It can certainly be, it can co curve for sure, but it's also learned behavior, right?

People are not born inherently violent, and that is something that I ha, through this work. That more and more, and that's why things like our prevention team, and I know our sister centers in the other counties, they work really diligently with the schools and the community centers because if we can help break that cycle.

Kids at a young age. Kids level. You're hoping that learned behavior that they took away from wherever if they have taken it away. So you

Ali Kessler: think they learn it as a child and then that's how they brought up their,

Lammy Askar: I certainly think that cycle is learned and can start in childhood.

life. I could sit here and I [: 00:18:00

The sky's yellow. It doesn't matter what science you're giving me to know that the sky is blue. You were taught that the sky was yellow. And I think that's a really important thing that we sometimes forget that learned behavior can be Oh, so powerful.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, for sure. And that's probably the hardest to break, to, to.

Once they're brought up a certain way and they see maybe their parents act a certain way and that's how they believe that, life is, again, I, what makes me wonder what people did about a hundred years ago.

Lammy Askar: I know all the time. And it's, you see that trickle down effect across many different areas.

ive, an older relative where [: 00:19:00

So they're

Ali Kessler: being placed back into it.

Lammy Askar: Exactly, and so that is part of my mission work too, as a human, like making sure that we are doing right by everybody, and it's not just in this DV world. It is again, child welfare, all different kinds of abuses. It's so prevalent. Yeah. And maybe not obvious to people, but you have to say it out loud.

So that's other issues that I see compounding in our current climate.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, the whole emotional abuse is so hard to explain to people that have never been involved or in it or know what it is, because that could be even financial abuse. And like you said, with like technology, I had trackers all over my car.

That's not legal. No. So

Lammy Askar: one of the things that we do have a really good relationship with our community is working with body shop car service area. Yeah. And they will help us check the cars for any trackers. So that's a really

Ali Kessler: that's [: 00:20:00

But even I know we're looking for Right. Exactly. I was looking for anything. So I literally just drove to my local body shop where I get oil changes and I begged the guy to put my car up on a lift and look and he said, no. I was like distraught and I drove around back to where the the guys are actually working.

Yeah. And I got outta my car and I went to, a mechanic that was under a car and I was like, I have nowhere else to ask. But if there's any way you could take five minutes, put my car on a lift and just tell me if you find anything. And the guy was, I was like in tears. And the guy was like, yeah, of course.

And they did. And within five minutes the guy comes out and he's is this what you're looking for? And it was a black box. And obviously it didn't belong in my car. And I just started crying immediately because I knew it and he affirmed it. But interestingly enough. The guy at the front desk said, no.

So it's hard. I'm

Lammy Askar: [: 00:21:00

Ali Kessler: but Yeah.

Lammy Askar: Yeah. But you got it right. And I think that's what's so important when we talk about prevention work.

Yes, I'm speaking about the youth prevention that we're doing, but our prevention team has been really great about going to. Local businesses and providing domestic violence education to beyond our youth. And I think that, your exact example is why we need the services. Yeah. It almost makes me wanna reach

Ali Kessler: out to them and say, Hey, can I refer people to you?

They're probably gonna be like, yeah.

Lammy Askar: So we do, we're happy that we have that relationship with our community because we'll call them and we'll be like, Hey, we're coming over. But when we're working with our survivors, especially when they're coming here for the first time, or we're meeting them before they come here, so typically we meet them at a safe location and transport together.

see your phone. And they'll [: 00:22:00

So it's good to have we do go through those like safety planning processes too.

Ali Kessler: And we talk about prevention, aside from going into the schools and teaching, you know about different types of abuse and what else do you, how, what else is prevent prevention? How do you prevent this?

Lammy Askar: So prevention of domestic violence. There's so many different ways. When you talk about prevention, you're talking about primary prevention, right? And that is part of getting out there and talking about the message before anything even happens. Okay, we wanna get in there, right? And then certainly there's secondary prevention where.

to really get you the things [: 00:23:00

And sometimes intervention and prevention happen at the same time. Like I said, with us it's raising the awareness about domestic violence. If we have to go to every local business and do DV 1 0 1, we're happy to do that. Our doors are open. I also think that just educating regular humans is important about warning signs, red flags and warning signs are really good type of prevention.

nce dv. And now here I sit in: 2025

There were no statistics on men when I started. Now that statistic is one in one in five men. So I always tell my friends like, 'cause I like. I'm that person. Always raising awareness, but I tell people, think about when you're standing in line at the [00:24:00] supermarket every third woman that you count in line would have experienced some kind of domestic violence or is experiencing domestic violence.

So that's a huge number.

Ali Kessler: Yeah.

Lammy Askar: I think that prevention also goes as far as when you are going to the doctor, any kind of doctor, and they're asking that question. I can tell you that I don't always see my doctors asking like, Hey, are you safe at home?

Ali Kessler: No.

Lammy Askar: And there, the last time I went, I go to the doctor frequent night.

The last time I went, the nurse asked me and I said, I looked at him and I said, thank you so much for asking me that. And so he said, gentleman, he said, no I think it's important that, you feel like you're in a safe place to talk about it if you wanna talk about it. If you don't wanna talk about it, I wanna be able to give you the places you can call for help.

And

hat asks me I'm safe and I'm [: 00:25:00

So that was really like delightful. Yeah. No,

Ali Kessler: I agree. None of my doctors have ever asked me that, even till this day.

Lammy Askar: And I think that's what's also. The relationships that the domestic violence centers have with the community. I can tell you Broward, in my time at Broward, there is a lot of hospitals that inside the bathroom you would see a poster and you could peel off the hotline number.

We're doing a better job in Palm Beach County of doing that. You've been to the airport recently, and the airport, you'll see a lot more of the human trafficking signs, which I think is also really important. You're raising awareness in those more subtle ways. So we also recognize that in South Florida.

Tourism is real. Yeah. And we get especially busy when we have big sporting events or concerts. And unfortunately that's when a lot of that, like that human trafficking realm really starts to kick up. So being aware at that time,

Ali Kessler: and everyone's watching the Amy Bradley show right now on Netflix, which is crazy,

Lammy Askar: but it's insane.

So

Ali Kessler: yeah.

Lammy Askar: [: 00:26:00

And so the likelihood of that abuse being front and center is a lot less than it would be when people leave. So we see that. That's been my whole entire career of watching that flow of interesting. Like different times of

Ali Kessler: year. Wow.

Lammy Askar: So that's always really interesting for us. It also breaks my heart during the holiday season when the shelter's full.

here at AVDA, and I know our [: 00:27:00

So we try to be really in tune to that. And we also just try to be really in tune. Some of them just don't wanna talk to us right now, and that's okay. But just reminding them that we're here. So it's the dynamics of domestic violence and the way that it plays out with service providers. It's just, it's really interesting to watch and doing it for so long.

It's yeah, I can tell you that's gonna be, we're gonna be really slow, likely because they've got other stressors happening at home that aren't necessarily the domestic violence stressor. So stressor of the holiday is stressor of family. All these other things, but then that compounds post-holiday and then we'll see a rise in phone call.

you say to maybe a teenager [: 00:28:00

When they're younger because they probably have no idea. This is new for them dating. They're trying to sort things out mentally, physically, what do you say to them that are possible? Red flags? Red flags of something wrong?

Lammy Askar: So teenagers are such interesting humans. I love working with teens, so there is so much new stuff happening in their lives, right?

Like what is love? It's it for them, it's a different kind of love because typically they are used to their family love, right? And mom and dad, sibling love. Sibling rivalry, whatever it looks like. But this love coming from a different human is so new to them and what they think is love sometimes masks the signs of dating violence and perhaps the attention that they receive when they're in a relationship because it's so new that they think that's part of it.

d flags, we talk a lot about [: 00:29:00

Ali Kessler: Keeping them away from friends and whatnot.

Exactly. And family. Family right.

Lammy Askar: And so that's a big red flag. We see a lot of again, going back to that technology threats, we have a lot of young people that tell us that maybe their partner took pictures of them that they didn't authorize, and they've threatened to put those pictures online.

We also see lots of bullying happening the way that they're being spoken to, manipulation trying to deter them from hanging out with people or doing things that they like as a parent. Noticing that your child had such an interest in something and then all of a sudden that their life's changing 'cause they have this human and now they've lost interest in those things that they love so much.

r friends. And I think back. [: 00:30:00

I also, we didn't even have cell phones. We didn't have, we didn't have cell phones. I tried to explain that to people and they're just what do you mean? I'm like, we didn't have cell phones. It didn't happen. I just showed up. So you went to the

Ali Kessler: library to do research?

Lammy Askar: I went to I was at the mall, people watching. We went to Orange Julius, like all the things that don't exist anymore. But working with our team so that they can identify those things because that's I like that's so big, but I think it's hard because it's a different kind of attention that you're getting that you're not used to.

It's like love bombing

Ali Kessler: almost.

Lammy Askar: It's a love bombing is one of the number one red flags. The jealousy is another red flag. So we see that a lot more, when you start to look at even like the sexual side of it, right? You have, not only are these new relationships, they're new experiences, so hearing if they're being pressured into having sex or anything else that they're not comfortable with.

from young people that their [: 00:31:00

Speaker 3: Get

Lammy Askar: mad. For those of us that experienced, they get right. We experienced domestic violence and we may have left a situation. We know that sometimes it doesn't stop. And we're

Ali Kessler: So can teens reach out to AVDA?

Lammy Askar: They can reach out to our hotline. They do have to have parental consent to receive services with us if they're under the age of 18.

tory so that they feel like, [: 00:32:00

Ali Kessler: Wanna share this with their parents sometimes too,

Lammy Askar: and that's a reality. But some are, and I am happy that some are doing that. So February is Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month. So while we're already present in all of the schools and community centers, we really ramp it up in February, just like October is Domestic Violence Awareness month.

We ramp up in February, but we do a, November

Ali Kessler: is Family Court Awareness Month.

Lammy Askar: Oh, is it that? Yeah. See that's something good to know. And I also think with Family Court that might be National Adoption Month. Too, if I'm not mistaken. So lots of kid friendly things, but

Ali Kessler: there's a month for everything.

There's a month for everything.

Lammy Askar: February is great. We do a really cool youth summit. That's. Teen dating violence focus, and we offer all kinds of different workshops and sessions. Oh, that's great. We recently can parents come

Ali Kessler: to that with their child? Parents can come. Okay.

Lammy Askar: Yep. And we'll communicate that and put that in the, out in the community for people to be aware of.

unteer impact project that's [: 00:33:00

So they did a podcast, they made some PSAs. They worked to identify the issues that they see happening in school and going back and being able to provide information and resources to their peers. We just wrapped that up last week and I was just watching their PSA videos that they created and they were just incredible.

re, our message is clear and [: 00:34:00

So I think that's super important.

Ali Kessler: Yeah, it totally is. Yeah. In all the conversations and podcasts that I have, we seldom talk about teen domestic violence and what it's like for them. 'cause, they're not living on their own typically, and they dunno. And they don't know

Lammy Askar: every teen.

And part of my work was working with the teen dating violence community in Broward County doing a lot of work at Pace School for girls and doing a lot of work in the teen foster care homes. And so listening to the young ladies mostly taught me about their experiences. They're not much different than the adults.

Right experiences, but at a different, just a different level. Yeah. Especially with sexual abuse.

Ali Kessler: Think of all the cases that a lot of them happens when they're children, and then they grow up to possibly be an abuser themself.

Lammy Askar: Absolutely. It's like they grow up to, they potentially could be an abuser or they grow up and say, I know that this is absolutely not okay, and I'm not doing.

Ali Kessler: And they do the complete opposite. They try to help. So yeah.

ls of thoughts, now you talk [: 00:35:00

Lammy Askar: That's a great question. I always pose the same question to folks that I work with too what does empowerment mean to me, empowerment means giving someone the opportunity to feel strong and confident enough to make those decisions for themselves.

Giving them the tools they need to set their path and knowing at the same time that there's someone there to help them if they need some extra TLC, right? So empowerment for every person looks a little bit different. While there might be some guidelines, that people might need to follow, we're really big on.

ourney, but certainly if you [: 00:36:00

And what your journey looks like, I'm here to help you with it. So really allowing the person to feel comfortable to do things for themselves and not rely so much on other people. Because of, based on whatever their experiences are. And I think that's really a wonderful way to get folks. It's, not super clinical 'cause clinical can be scary.

It's really going to the beat of your own drum, determining what you're comfortable with, not someone determining that for you for so long, these folks, these women mostly have been doing what someone else has told them to do, right? We need to help get them to a place where they're doing the things that they wanna do and they know are best for them.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. They probably just don't even know what that is anymore, because it's been so long and they're so scared they, they don't even know. But yeah, empowerment is difficult. It's get difficult to give because I think a lot of it has to do with insecurities and maybe financial aspects and.

wanna do that, but I can't. [: 00:37:00

Lammy Askar: Where do I start?

Ali Kessler: Where do I start? How do I really pick up my whole life? And

Lammy Askar: you're absolutely right. And one of the things I see with some folks that are with us that receive services let's use credit as an example.

So we have some folks that they don't have bank accounts. They wouldn't even know how to open a bank account, where to start, how to check their credit. We have women that are seeking new places to live, but they can't get approved because. They have no credit or they don't have any money for the deposit.

So one of the other things that we do at Abta here is our economic empowerment advocate will work one-on-one with that survivor to teach them that the basic 1 0 1 of checking your credit, opening a bank account, financial literacy and ensuring that they have a good understanding of how to get started in this new world that's theirs, right?

it's so great when I get to, [: 00:38:00

I'm gonna go shopping for the things that I need. It is, it makes, it warms me so much to hear those things. Knowing you've lived in a shelter now for the last few months and in communal living and communal living's not easy, and now you're going to take that step into something new with your family.

It's an incredible feeling watching them.

Ali Kessler: Yeah. I could only imagine. But then

Lammy Askar: coupled also with fear, right? It's new to them. So we need to be here and be prepared to help them manage through those feelings, making sure that safety planning is happening, making sure that they know what to do when X, y, Z happens, giving them that guidance.

So that they can again, go on that journey and feel like they have that support around.

Ali Kessler: I think a lot about empowerment also is giving them the education, right? Because then they're learning all the things that you just said. They're learning that it's out there. 'cause they probably have no idea that you guys even offer, that

Lammy Askar: shelling their toolbox with the tool that they need is really, it's a, it's important to us.

Ali Kessler: For sure. [: 00:39:00

I can't even imagine.

Lammy Askar: Yeah. Like I said, there have been times in my life where I. Working with the kids was probably the hardest. I love it. I will always do it, but working with kids is certainly so hard. In my time at one of the TV centers I was at, I remember just getting in the car at the end of the day and just boo-hoo crying.

Yeah, uncontrollably. Yeah. And I think about those kids all the time. And so if I fast forward 15, 20 years to this one particular family I'm thinking of, I was out to dinner one night with my family and this young lady walked up to me and I looked at her and I was said, man, like I know your face.

k above her eyes, I'll never [: 00:40:00

And it was that moment. And yes, we were out in public and I was with my family, she was with her family. And I didn't share with my family like how, right? Because again, I'm respecting her privilege and her confidentiality. But

Ali Kessler: That she's happy.

Lammy Askar: And she'll tell me, she's I don't know what I would've done if I hadn't come and chatted with you and pushed me to do those things.

How many

Ali Kessler: years later was that?

Lammy Askar: This was at least 15 or 20 years later. 15. Oh wow.

Ali Kessler: Okay.

g college and they have jobs [: 00:41:00

But that young lady will always stick out in my head. And it's so badly when I'd be like, let's exchange numbers. This, it's key. We, and we don't do that. That's not part of the work, but it almost helped me. Have a little bit of closure with that particular human because I'd just always been thinking about her no matter how many other cases.

Yeah, you hear about these egregious things that have happened, and hers just always like it sat right here. Even if I wasn't thinking about it, like there was just always something right here sitting, and then when I saw her that night, it was almost the whole thing lifted, so I knew. Okay. It's like the starfish story, right?

The beach full of starfish. But I was able to help one, right? I helped one get back into the water and that's, that was my star case. And you seldom

Ali Kessler: see the final results years later and see what happens to someone, and how they live their life. Nobody gets that back.

Lammy Askar: But she was my she was my egg.

That's nice. A good one.

use it takes tough skin. But [: 00:42:00

Lammy Askar: it's the staff, right? Like someone recently, I was doing an interview with the news and they were like, what? What also keeps you going every day? And I was like, the staff right?

I come in here and I look at the folks that I work with, men and women, and they're the ones that are the frontline workers. Like they're in it, I'm in it, but they're really in it. And I do it because I know that they're doing it. And I know being one of those people when I first started my career, the things that you carry home with you and it's hard because we can't go home and talk about it. I do this work because they're here and it's hard.

Yeah. It's hard. But they're an

inspiration to me.

I don't know what I would, they would do without the people that I work with because they're just incredible humans.

Ali Kessler: That's great. You're

Lammy Askar: making sustainable change every day.

Ali Kessler: Absolutely. And we thank you. And as victims and survivors, like I said, it takes a tough skin.

ntion. Any kind of help for, [: 00:43:00

Is there one thing that where you're like, okay, I see maybe a light at the end of the tunnel, or I see things maybe dying down.

Lammy Askar: I wish I could say that things are dying down. I am very naive. To think that I will be jobless someday,

right? As domestic violence will go away. I think what I can say with a full and joyful heart is that from 25 years ago till now, there is more of an emphasis on domestic violence.

It is becoming more of a frontline conversation. We have

Ali Kessler: breaking the stigma.

ing the cycle. I do see that [: 00:44:00

Ali Kessler: that's why we talk about it, right? 'cause the more you talk about it, the more you make it normalized and say it's okay, let's, we're gonna talk about this 'cause this exists. This isn't healthy.

Lammy Askar: What you're experiencing isn't healthy, right? I think that the generation of people that are coming up, I see it with the young folks.

They are not afraid to. And while maybe growing up I was a little bit afraid to talk, and maybe even sometimes now, but our young people, they're not scared, right? Yeah. They're not scared to say the things. That's

great.

And I think with everything that's else that's happening in the world, watching them show up and watching them use their words and use the tools that they have is probably one of the things that does give me lots of hope.

fact that, it wasn't talked [: 00:45:00

The actual item onto that you know now, so I've told you about this, now how are you gonna help me? And now that I've talked to so many people since Greyson's death. It did exist. It does exist. People just weren't talking about it. So the more you talk, the better it is. And that's why I'll always share my story because people need to know that these crazy things that you think don't happen, they happen.

And

Lammy Askar: keep doing it. Ali, you're doing great. And if anyone's didn't tell you today that you're doing fantastic, you're doing fantastic.

Ali Kessler: Thank you. Now lastly, where can people get your contact info or learn more about AVDA or get involved? Absolutely. Or help.

Lammy Askar: So our hotline, our 24 hour hotline, like I said, is both call and text enabled.

Ali Kessler: Okay you

-: 2900

Ali Kessler: That's great. Do you guys do annual fundraisers? I'm assuming

years next year: 2026

So we are finalizing that too. It is our heart of a woman luncheon. That will be we will present all of the people or honor the people that have helped us be who we are and get to where we're at in the last 40 years. You could also go online to AVDA online.com and you'll be able to read more about our Purple Pajama Party, which is a fundraiser that you can read all about.

e're doing here at AVDA, but [: 00:47:00

Ali Kessler: All right. I'll put all of that in our show notes for people so they have all that contact info.

And maybe I'll do the walk in November for Family Court Awareness month, and I'll represent. We'll see,

Lammy Askar: we'll be there. We'll be there. I'll send you all that so you can, continue to update. But yeah, you should come have a good

Ali Kessler: day. Alright, sounds good. Thank you so much for sharing and talking with us and our listeners and I know it's gonna be super helpful for those in your area, so I appreciate that.

Hopefully we can connect again.

Lammy Askar: Yeah, I would love it. Thank you so much, Ali, for having us.

Ali Kessler: Thank you. I appreciate it. All right, bye

Lammy Askar: bye.